


Intent and other volatile substances

by themoonlightreveals



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Blaine Is Not An Idiot I Swear They Are, Gen, HCMG au, I tagged spoilers just in case, Murder Family, Spoilers for Hardcore Minigolf, au where ryan & jeremy are roommates and lindsay's their neighbor, it's all silly fun!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonlightreveals/pseuds/themoonlightreveals
Summary: Blaine, Lindsay's newest boyfriend-slash-prey, was going to mysteriously disappear soon enough.Jeremy knew this.Ryan knew this.Lindsay herself knew this very well.The only problem was, they couldn't seem to decide how to do it.Jeremy comes up with an easy solution.
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley & Lindsay Tuggey Jones, Jeremy Dooley & Ryan Haywood, Ryan Haywood & Lindsay Tuggey Jones
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Intent and other volatile substances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crazygreatwords (SamWithACrown)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamWithACrown/gifts).



> The Hardcore Minigolf au no one asked for but it's a cute idea so! Take it!

“He slips in the shower and breaks his neck.”

“Too….wet.”

“Suffocated with a pillow?”

“Too hands on, sugar, you know me.”

“Just hire a hitman!”

“Now that’s just asking to be caught!”

Jeremy watched Ryan throw his hands up in frustration for the second time that hour and look away, definitely not sulking. They’d been at this for hours, he and Lindsay. They’d angrily munched through their food in the first one.

It started out the way most of these dinner dates would. Hypothetically speaking, if Lindsay’s current boyfriend or husband were too suddenly and mysteriously disappear, how would one go about that and would Ryan or Jeremy want anything important (plausible deniability is a powerful thing after all). They had agreed on a date for their lovely dinner party, one without any interruptions. Ryan had insisted to set up the table as usual, caliming that it’d been ‘to avoid another incident’ and ‘honestly Jeremy the plates were color coded how did you mix them up’. They had chit chatted a bit about nothing in particular and then got straight to the point. That being Blaine, Lindsay's current favorite toy and soon to be dearly departed. He was a real character, like most of them, but Jeremy found this one to be actual pleasant company, funny and either dense as fuck or willfully ignorant; unfortunately he was “physically ideal” in all the wrong ways.

Suggestions had started out strong, with the classics: car bomb, lake drowning, gas leak at work, all shot down for a reason or another as similar confused frowns had grown on both Ryan and Lindsay’s faces. 

Smushed in between them on the sofa, Jeremy wasn’t really sure if they’d cooled off, though he could hazard a guess. Ryan had stopped his not sulking in favor of eying the food on his plate speculatively, and Lindsay had stood up and was pacing around the room in an uncharacteristic show of unrest. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“If this is some weird ploy to get in my medical stash again, Lindsay...” began Ryan, suspicious and halfway ready to start the argument.

“You’ve mentioned poison at least 5 times! Honey, if that’s what I wanted we wouldn’t be having this argument now would we?!” they exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the other man. 

Giving up on his composure altogether, Ryan shot up and pointed right back, making sure to enunciate:

“Then what do you want?! We’ve been nothing but helpful and you’ve shut down every single suggestion-”

“Now-”

“Just because you’ve suddenly got cold feet-”

Lindsay gasped and held a hand over their chest in such an overdramatic fashion that Jeremy couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He couldn’t believe he had to be the reasonable one. 

“Guys!” he yelled, stifling a smile when matching intense expressions turned to him. “There’s a simple solution to this, c’mon.” He raised his eyebrows at his friends in an expectant manner and watched as instead of understanding, the two of them got even more confused.

“Well there’s always straight up murder, sure-”, began Ryan, an unsure note to his voice.

“Honey, I thought we agreed knives are really messy-”

“There’s so much clean up-”

“I have a certain reputation to uphold, you know this-”

“You would not believe how much blood is in the human body, or, well-”

Ryan had resorted to miming blood gushing out of a nonexistent throat wound. Lindsay was telling her detailed alibi to an imaginary police officer. Jeremy was losing them again.

“I meant that we could just _not_ kill Blaine.”

Dead silence.

He could almost hear the wheels turning in their heads.

“Ooooh-” 

“Right, right!” 

Lindsay was pointing energetically at him in approval, while Ryan had dropped his pantomime to take a thinking pose, seeming to genuinely ponder the idea.

“I know this is a novel concept for us,” began Jeremy with faux seriousness, his grin betraying him, “but I think not-murder is normal for most people.”

“He is fun to be around,” postulated Ryan.

“And to look at! Boy do I know how to pick them,” added Lindsay with a laugh, pulling out their ‘mourning photo’ of Blaine out of her wallet. His eyes had been preemptively crossed out.

Jeremy scooted a bit to make room for his friends back on the sofa.

“I think we can all agree that we haven’t gotten bored of him yet, and that’s more than can be said about the other guys. And hey, there can always be murder down the line if we want to!” he said, patting Ryan a bit on the arm.

A stretch of silence.

“You say he hasn’t asked any questions yet Lindsay?” asked Ryan.

“Not a one! And trust me, everyone knows my reputation, baby.” They huffed a laugh and continued conspiratorially, “I think he’s a little obtuse, bless his heart. You could put weird black bubbling shit in his drink right in front of him and he wouldn’t blink an eye.” They paused for a second. “But you’re _not_ doing that.”

“We’ll invite him over for real dinner, see how that goes,” said Jeremy, and pointed at Lindsay. “That means you can’t wear your black widow ‘oh no my husband is dead, officer?’ coats like you do for the fake dinners.”

They pulled an exaggerated pout, though it quickly turned into a smirk as they eyed the dresser full of Ryan’s gear and Jeremy’s souvenirs from prison significantly.

“We have literally never worn those for dinner!” protested Jeremy loudly as Ryan laughed.

Comfortable silence settled over the three friends, allowing them to mull over their latest decision. They’d clicked almost instantly, bonding over common interests, and adding a new person to their little group was a dangerous decision. But they were willing to try.

“So…murder break?”

**Author's Note:**

> Silly au Sam and I came up with somehow birthed this??
> 
> It was bound to happen, I'm soft for found family (but they do crime).
> 
> As always shoutout to Sam for being literally the most fun person to talk to and helping with ideas.
> 
> \--  
> 25/1/21 
> 
> finally got around to editing Lindsay's pronouns.


End file.
